Bittersweet (Andrei)

From the moment he had met that hybrid Andrei had been on high alert. All his emotions, which were usually well hidden, were all over the place now that he had a folder filled with all the information he asked for on Liv, her brother, and Katherine Thorne. Though Katherine Thorne didn't exist Kitty Thorne did and that made it worse. He had spent the better part of the last few hours pouring over the file, learning everything he could and it all made him angry and then sad and then furious and the recycle would repeat again. He was distressed, more so than he had been in centuries, and he wasn't sure how to handle this. So with little ability to control himself emotionally–and knowing full well what that could mean for the people of Las Vegas–he went to the one person he trusted to be there for him. His sister.

He was in complete disarray, his hair a mess, bloody tear stains being carelessly wiped from his face leaving streaks, his usual leather jacket missing and replaced with a wrinkled tee shirt, and his usually composed and cold demeanor replaced with one of a man on the cusp of losing it completely. He knew it was unfair of him to show up on Anya's door step and dump all of this on her. She didn't deserve to deal with Andrei in the state that he was in but he wasn't sure what to do anymore. He was minutes away from ignoring his humanity entirely and going back to the cold and ruthless killer he had been when he mass murdered the inhabitants of countless towns and villages. He needed someone to help him pull himself together and he knew she was the only one who could come close to helping him do that. He knocked on her door, softly at first but his desperation built quickly and by the finally knock it was a thundering one.

When Anya hugged him he snapped out of his reverie and hugged her back but said nothing. He came in and sat as directed but merely stared at the folder in his hand until Anya returned. "Apparently I have a daughter..." he said softly before setting the folder on the table and scooting it towards Anya so she could look, "And it seems that Olivia has raised her from birth, not even bothering to mention it even though we've been business partners for years now. I guess she wanted to keep it a secret and she managed to do so too, until I walked into her office and met the girl." his anger started to grow with every sentence and he felt himself on the edge of snapping. Without hesitation he reached out for the bottle of liquor not bother to see what it was, promising to replace it before he opened it and took a swig, knowing that at least the taste of the foul contents of the bottle would stop his anger from mounting for just a minute. He cringed at the taste of whiskey but took another sip anyway before he continued.

"Her name is Kitty Thorne. Which makes it worse since that was the bitch's name for me when we dated. If it weren't for my never wrong sense of smell I probably would have never known about her..." he said with a rueful laugh that turned sad. He knew Liv hated him but he didn't know Liv hated him this much. This was worse than anything Andrei had done to her, especially since his were accidentally and rage filled respectively. She deliberately did this to him and knowing that made Andrei incredibly sad and then angry. "I didn't know she hated me enough to do this to me. I can't believe she would do this to me... Why would she do this to me?!" bloody tears filled his eyes but he wiped them away before taking a large swig of the whiskey.

Andrei growled involuntary, the thought of someone hurting Liv in any manner of the word always put him on the defensive–even if she did deserve and he wanted to do it himself. He sighed and rolled his eyes at that, hating that she still had a hold over him even though he desperately wanted to hate her. With another swig of whiskey he managed to answer, "Of course I am going to confront her. I almost went straight to her house but I decided ripping her head off in anger wouldn't solve my problem and Kitty would probably be opposed to losing the woman she calls her mother," he scoffed at that, "so I came here... And may have accidentally killed some people in rage on the way here..." He admitted with a frown.

He had started to let himself gain some shreds of humanity over the past year or so but now he felt like his heart was torn from his chest again, making him regret his choices to start caring once more. "I should have just remained an asshole. I learned centuries ago that emotions don't work out for me. I should have stayed away from her and kept on being the unfeeling douche everyone thinks I am." He muttered, mostly to himself. Sure, for the sake of Alex and Anya, maybe having a small range of emotion wasn't a bad idea but he had forgotten that he wasn't able to handle heartbreak and sadness and unfortunately for him that was all he felt right now. "How do I make this feeling go away without killing people?" it was a legitimate question, he was no longer sure how that worked.

Andrei didn't like that answer, he was far too used to ignoring his feelings and drowning them out with murder and bloodshed when they began to surface embrace them. "Seriously? Now I remember why I stopped embracing my feelings... They hurt too much as a vampire." his shoulders slumped in defeat, he knew blocking out his emotions wasn't really an option even though he wanted it to be. "I know I can't go back to the asshole I was before so you don't need to lecture me. I am trying to get better for your sake and mostly Alex's cause she deserves it over everybody else but I wish I could bring myself to stop caring. Being emotionless and cold sounds like a much better option than being in love with a raging bitch that basically just stabbed me in the heart." he sighed and drank more, throwing his usually constrained self out of the window as he did.

After finishing a rather large gulp Andrei sank down into the chair and ended up resting his chin in the table top. The alcohol's effect was kicking in and unfortunately for him, it was making him seem less like an asshole with a stick up his butt and more like the human he had once been. "The worst part of it all is that I don't hate her... I could never hate Liv. She can abuse me as much as she wants and I'd still probably go back to her if she gave me the time of day." His eyes shifted from a spot on the table up to Anya's and he just kept looking sadder and sadder by the minute. "That's why I wish I didn't have emotions... If I didn't have emotions I wouldn't have to love her anymore." he admitted with a mumbling breathe.

Andrei's eyes followed Anya when she got up, not suspecting what was to come until he was smacked. A vicious snarl tore from him lips, the alcohol no longer affecting him as his anger returned tenfold when he mentally caught up to what was going on. By the time she was finished he jumped up from his seat, not caring as it fell back, she was just lucky the table didn't end up flipped as well. "I don't care how pathetic you think I am being DO NOT smack me like that again." he growled loudly.

His anger at the whole situation bubbled up to the surface and there was no more controlling it but he desperately tried, leaving his hands and jaw clenched and his spine incredibly rigid, his words had a slight you of venom to them "For your information, syestra, I have no desire to get back with Liv at this point. I'm not sure I can forgive her and stop resenting her long enough to do ever do that." His voice hitched just slightly, realizing what he had was saying and hating it as the words formed on his tongue and somehow that made him angrier. "I'm not even sure why I came here. This was useless." he huffed before turning towards the door, he didn't enjoy being called pathetic, especially by her and especially now, and it was starting to get to him. "See you when I see you." he said with the wave of his hand, apparently having chosen to block out emotions again.

Andrei shrugged through most of what she said, not really caring to listen because he was too busy hurting. He was almost out the door too when the last of what he had to say hit him like a swift punch to the gut. He froze then, letting that wash over him. Much like always, he had been self centered. He hadn't thought much about the fact that he had a daughter, instead choosing to focus on how he had been crushed. Apparently he was an even bigger asshole than he thought, which wasn't exactly news to him either.

But now it was said. Now he had to think about it because she had given him no choice. Now he realized the true point to this whole ordeal. He whipped around to look at Anya and he frowned, "I... I only just thought about what that actually means..." he muttered before he went to go take a seat, afraid he might and up falling over in shock. He closed his eyes in thought and then snapped them back open with a furrowed brow perched a top of them. "I'm a father... And I've missed everything... I need to talk to Liv about getting to know my daughter..." he mumbled.

Andrei looked down with a frown and nodded to what she said, knowing he had to get to know his daughter but he wasn't exactly sure how to tell Liv that. "I don't know how to tell Liv I know about Kitty and that I want to get to know her without being uncontrollable angry at her for keeping it a secret. I mean... I probably would make a shitty father but I had every right to attempt to be a good one..." he muttered, as he sunk back into his seat and looked over at Anya's expression.

Something was off. He could probably only tell because he knew Anya like the back of his hand but it was there. That was when he realized he probably should have thought about the reasons he was coming here. Maybe coming to his sister–knowing what had happened to her–wasn't his brightest idea. It was actually rather insensitive of him in retrospect. But who else could he go to? No one. "I... I'm sorry if I have upset you in more ways than just with my stupidity and cold hearted nature by coming to you with this. I didn't think before I came here... Granted I also wasn't thinking of the whole situation at the time but that probably made it worse..." he said softly. He wasn't sure if the apology would make her worse off or not but he felt he had to say it.